Rediscovering intimacy and sex after birth: A guide for new parents

Bringing a baby home changes everything; your schedule, your sleep, your sense of self, and often, your relationship with intimacy. Many new parents are surprised by how different sex and connection feel after birth. Sex after birth is as much about physical recovery as it is about hormones, emotions, exhaustion, and the mental load that comes with caring for a tiny human. For some couples, intimacy returns quickly. For others, it takes time and often looks different than before.

If you are navigating intimacy and sex after birth and wondering what’s normal, what’s safe, or what’s possible, you’re not alone. This guide offers gentle, practical insights to help new parents rediscover intimacy at their own pace without pressure, guilt, or unrealistic expectations.

You will also find helpful insights from Sofie Roos, a licensed sexologist & relationship therapist, who is also an author at Passionerad.

How long after giving birth can you have sex?

Though there is no required waiting period before you can have sex after baby, a typical recommendation is to wait till you have had a postpartum check with your healthcare professional. 

Doctors usually suggest waiting for around four to six weeks before resuming vaginal sex. That holds for both vaginal deliveries and C-sections.

Sofie Roos explains, “The reason it’s important to take this quite long pause is because the body needs time to recover and heal, as the uterus is shrinking back to its usual size, postpartum bleeding is easing, and any stitches from C-section need time to recover.”

However, being cleared for sexual intercourse after birth doesn’t automatically mean feeling ready. Sometimes it’s normal for interest and comfort in sexual activity to take longer. Taking things slowly and checking in with yourself and your partner can make intimacy feel safer and more supportive during this transition.

Common symptoms that may make sex after childbirth difficult or unpleasant

Studies show that sexual function often declines after childbirth. 

Even months after birth, your body is still healing, and that can show up as tenderness during sex or a deep, bone-tired kind of fatigue that leaves little interest for intimacy. Your body may look and feel different after childbirth, and it’s completely normal to be dissatisfied with that change. Just remember: your body carried, birthed, and continues to care for a whole human being, and that deserves patience, kindness, and time.

Here are some postpartum challenges that can influence how sex feels:

• Vaginal dryness and hormonal fluctuations, especially if you are breastfeeding.
• Soreness or discomfort linked to tearing, scar tissue, episiotomy, back pain, hemorrhoids, or pelvic floor strain. 
• Fatigue and sleep deprivation can reduce libido.
• Shifts in body image and self-confidence.
• Overwhelm and stress related to caring for a baby.
• Baby blues. 

What are baby blues?

The “baby blues” are common, temporary mood swings, sadness, and anxiety new parents feel in the first few days after childbirth, caused by rapid hormonal shifts and sleep deprivation. As per the American Pregnancy Association, 70-80% of all new mothers experience these symptoms after childbirth. 

These symptoms can surface 2-3 days after birth and usually resolve without treatment within two weeks. However, if you continue to feel sad, anxious, or hopeless for longer than two weeks, and if these feelings seem severe enough to disrupt your daily life, the chances are it is not baby blues but postpartum depression. 

Postpartum depression (PPD) is a more severe, longer-lasting mental health condition, and you should seek help from a healthcare provider. 

What is Postpartum Sexual Dysfunction (PSD)?

Postpartum Sexual Dysfunction is a term to describe challenges with sexual activity or satisfaction after childbirth. 

Sometimes in the initial months after childbirth, you might not receive the prepregnancy levels of sexual pleasure and emotional satisfaction. It is quite likely that you feel changes in your desire, comfort, or satisfaction during sex, and sometimes, those feelings can linger well beyond the first year. This gap between “resuming sex” and actually feeling pleasure or emotional closeness again is common, and it’s a reminder that healing and intimacy don’t always follow the same timeline.

PSD refers to a range of experiences that can include:

• Pain during intercourse (dyspareunia)
• Low sexual desire
• Difficulty with arousal or orgasm
• Changes in lubrication or sensation

These symptoms make sex feel less interesting and more daunting, and sometimes they can even make intimacy feel more bothersome than pleasurable. 

Several factors, including biological, psychological, and social, may contribute to postpartum sexual dysfunction:

• Perineal pain or trauma
• Episiotomy
• Hormonal influences (e.g., from breastfeeding)
• Stress and fatigue
• Psychological and relational changes

“My best advice is to still hang in there, to communicate with your partner around how you’re feeling and if you need anything, to try to find other ways to get intimate, and not to stress – even though it can be frustrating if the intimacy doesn’t go back to normal directly, you will get an active sex life again if you give it time!”

– Sofie Roos

How to increase libido postpartum?

A lack of intimacy after childbirth can sometimes be due to low libido in women after birth. Postpartum libido doesn’t usually “click back on” like flipping a switch and that’s okay. Instead, desire often evolves as your body, mind, and routines settle into a new rhythm.

“Begin with giving the body time. Even if it’s the most boring and frustrating advice as most want a change here and now, time is what the body needs, both to heal physically, but also for you to get less stressed and find back to your lust.”

– Sofie Roos

Here are some supportive strategies that many couples find helpful in finding their rhythm:

• Prioritize rest. Exhaustion is one of the biggest libido dampeners.
• Be patient and understand low libido is common and often temporary. Reduce pressure and enjoy the moment. 
• Talk openly. Discuss feelings, fears, and desires with your partner. Talking about your needs and expectations helps in controlling stress and setting the mood.
• Offer honest and frequent compliments on each other’s physical appearance. Genuine praise can be a powerful confidence booster. 
• Take help with childcare. Whether you hire a babysitter, ask grandparents, a friend or a neighbor to watch your baby for a couple of hours can make a big difference. 
• Explore non-sexual touch, such as hugs, kisses, and cuddles; give massages, or hold hands to maintain connection without pressure.
• Exercise. Pregnancy, labor, and delivery can stretch or injure the pelvic floor muscles. Pelvic floor exercises, like Kegels, improve pelvic floor strength and circulation and can support comfort during sex and, over time, enhance sensation and confidence.
• Take steps to lessen pain before you have sex. Take a warm bath and be sure your bladder is empty.
• Use lubrication that helps with vaginal dryness. It is okay even if you haven’t needed lubricant before, to need it for a while after childbirth. You can buy over-the-counter lubricants or ask your healthcare provider to suggest one.
• Go slow and take your time with new experiences. Ensure adequate foreplay or use of toys to get aroused and enhance pleasure. 
• Practice different positions, as it can help in stimulating the clitoris during penetration. 

Sofie has another gem up her sleeve: “If you still find yourself in a situation where intimacy doesn’t work, local estrogen therapy might be relevant.”

Remember, gradually rebuilding intimacy rather than expecting it to “return” immediately can nurture both connection and desire.

Creative ways to be intimate after having a baby

Your body is still healing. Your hormones are shifting, discomfort may linger, and sleep often comes in short, unpredictable stretches. It’s no surprise that sex may feel far from the top of your mind during this season.

At the same time, the postpartum period can feel confusing for your partner too. A new father may feel unsure of his place, lonely, or even quietly rejected, not because love has disappeared, but because so much of it is being directed toward the baby. While your affection as a new mother is abundant, your energy and attention may be limited.

These experiences can coexist, and neither is wrong. What often helps is open, gentle conversation, sharing expectations as they arise, and staying curious and respectful about each other’s needs.

“If you’d like to have sex before feeling that the body is ready for intercourse, then focus on other forms of intimacy instead, such as kisses, cuddling and caresses, or even careful oral sex which may work well for some.”

– Sofie Roos

• Plan date nights. Even if at home, dedicate time for just the two of you.
• Play board games, watch a movie together, or indulge in little back rubs or foot massages to enjoy physical intimacy without intercourse. 
• Take a shower together or a bath in a candlelit tub, or do some skin-on-skin spooning.
• Practice external stimulation after birth. Talk with your partner about doing something other than vaginal intercourse, such as oral sex or mutual masturbation. 

Contraception after a baby

Some mothers can start ovulating even before they have a period. If you wish to avoid another pregnancy right away, discussing contraception options at your postpartum visit is wise. 

Common postpartum contraceptive methods in the U.S. include:

• Progestin-only pills, implants, or injections
• Intrauterine devices (IUDs)
• Barrier methods (condoms, diaphragms)

Can you get pregnant if you breastfeed?

Breastfeeding can offer some natural pregnancy protection, but it’s not a guarantee. Using a reliable contraceptive method during sex is generally recommended if you want to delay another pregnancy.

When to talk with your healthcare provider?

Sometimes, challenges with intimacy or sex after giving birth are beyond normal adjustment. 

Sofie recommends, “any of these even if it’s been two months since you gave birth, then you might need professional help, either physically or psychologically.”

• Persistent or worsening pain during sex.
• Signs of infection or unusual discharge.
• Emotional distress related to intimacy.
• Concerns about libido that affect your relationship.
• Questions about safe contraceptive options.

Conclusion

Sex and intimacy after birth don’t follow a set timeline. Your body has done something remarkable, and it’s natural for desire, comfort, and connection to shift as you adjust to life with a new baby. 

Whether you feel ready for sex at six weeks, six months, or later, or whether you are nurturing closeness in non-sexual ways, what matters is the connection and trust you share with your partner.

You may also like:

• What your doctor doesn’t tell you about the postpartum period
• Fetal microchimerism – Scientists discover that a baby’s DNA remains in the mother’s body long after birth
• A doula’s tips on postpartum meal planning and nutrition

Sources –

1. The frequency of sexual intercourse between couples. Midwifery. 2017. “Sexual pleasure and emotional satisfaction in the first 18 months after childbirth.” ScienceDirect
2. Decline in sexual functions after childbirth. Journal of Obstetric, Gynecologic & Neonatal Nursing. 1986. “Changes in Sexual Relationships in Postpartum Couples.” ScienceDirect
3. Sexual pleasure and emotional satisfaction after childbirth. Sexual Medicine. 2019. “Postpartum Female Sexual Function: Risk Factors for Postpartum Sexual Dysfunction.” PubMed NIH